January 15, 2006 - Pinky Fungus From Hell

There appears to be some kind of infection on the side of my left pinky fingernail. At first I ignore it, or don't really know what to do about it. But it seems to grow. It doesn't hurt, but manifests itself as a soft, white growth. It keeps growing and growing until I have something that looks like roots, or a white underwater plant. It is growing out of the crevice between fingernail and finger, stemming out and about six inches tall. I am rather surprised to find it there, but it is kind of rubbery and doesn't hurt. But, I decide to do something about it, so I go see some kind of doctor(I think, although it may just have been Nate.)

I am advised simply to keep it clean, which I guess I hadn't been doing up to that point. I go home and apply copious amounts of hydrogen peroxide to the problem area. There is a correspondingly copious amount of bubbling and percolating, to the point that I can't really see what is happening. When the smoke clears the fungus is completely gone, but it becomes apparent that the fingernail is loose and about to come off. I peel the fingernail off (it seems oversized, as though it's supposed to be on someone much bigger) and below there is a soft, thin new fingernail in its place. I touch the new fingernail lightly, but it causes a rip in the center. Then, as I look closer at what is beneath I see an eyeball sprouting. Then it really sprouts, a full sized eyeball pushing itself out from the hole in the fingernail, engulfing my finger.